The Balancing Act: WoW and Shame
Posted by 
iTZKooPA on Wednesday, July 29, 2009 - 36 Comments Tags: closet gaming, guilt, hiding, remorse, shame, the balancing act, video games ellicit feelings
iTZKooPA on Wednesday, July 29, 2009 - 36 Comments Tags: closet gaming, guilt, hiding, remorse, shame, the balancing act, video games ellicit feelings 
Nice Lady Yoinked From Salon.comPlaying video games, any video games, is a pretty time consuming hobby. Sure, us gamers generally get more bang for our buck than movie or comic aficionados, but they are able to toll out their free time to a myriad of content. And that is just in the time it takes us to finish a single game, a single player game at that. Once you throw in titles with deep multiplayer experiences (hello World of Warcraft) the trouble really begins.
In this world time no longer exists. The hands of the clock are fleeting pieces of plastic ever hoping to outlast the motor that propels them. Now, in a universe focused on social interactions, seconds, minutes and hours lose their meaning. /played simply measures the "real world" as it passes us by. Here in the world of Azeroth, time isn't measured by some arbitrary atom's ability to spin around some other small object. It's measured in levels, loot and achievements. But the real world is ever flowing. It doesn't simply stop while we are medulla oblongata deep into a session. Which causes this addict to feel a ting of remorse, a microgram of deceit, a swath of regret, and even soul crushing shame on certain occasions.
An all too common occurrence:
Wait, what was that noise? Was that the door? Oh crap, I think I feel footsteps reverberating through the house. Creaks of floorboards! Heavens no, she is headed this way. She is coming up the stairs!
Don't panic, you've practiced this. Okay, the toon is in a safe place. /quit to leave the game and it is all good. Schnickies, I forgot to accept the confirmation. The doorknob, it's spinning. Close dammit, why won't the window close! Oh dear C'Thun, the door is opening! Must distract her with something...a ferret!
/me tosses a ferret at Ms. iTZKooPA as she rounds the corner to the desk and peers at my screen. A screen full of articles, websites, GIMP, research and not a single game in sight.
End Scene.
Most of the time I can pull it off, but now and then I get caught. Busted in the middle of an instance, chatting on Ventrilo, messing around in Dalaran or the Auction House or continuing to push Solidsagart to level 80. But you know what the cold, ironic fact is? She doesn't care.
It's all me. I am the one who puts this sense of guilt upon myself. Me. I don't spend ridiculous amount of time playing video games, especially when you consider that it is part of my income, and yet I hide it. I get most of my playtime in when no one is around, when the house, couch and speaker system is mine. I'm becoming a closet gamer (only the act of gaming, I'll discuss it till I am horse), and I don't know why!
Does anyone else game in a vacuum? Could I be getting self conscious (finally) in my "old" age? How do you hide your WoW from those around you?
Reader Comments (36)
Um, that would actually be Mother Angelica. She is a very well known TV personality and one of the most loving women I have ever listened too.
She also happens to be almost completely disabled due to a stroke she suffered in 2001.
What did the hand, say to the FACE?!?!
SMACK!
ack ack ack....
"-Son! Open the door now, you know perfectly well, we have a no locked doors policy in this house. You better not be playing those video games of yours! Open this very moment! Open the door! Open now!”
-No no dad, I swear I’m only masterbatin!”
-Ok, dinner is ready in 15 minutes and remember to wash your hands." HAHAHA, thats poetic
I'm also 15 and play wow and play like 3 hours a day i just got my permit and when i get my license i can do more stuff that i cant do now so then ill be out of house more but for right now i play wow and my bro says his friends think I'm a legend when they hang out lol since i have a lv 80 but im not ashamed of playing....my mom, 1 of my bros,my sis, and my moms bf all hate wow with an undieing passion and hate me for playing it and think I need a life and stuff but idc what they say im having fun what im doing and making some friends and stuff.. i recently saw something that said:
"Do what makes you happy"
"Be with those who make you laugh"
and he other parts don't have anything to do with this ; but wow makes me happy and my guild mates/friends make me laugh and i like being around them and again im 15 and when i get my license ill do more stuff but for right now im good where im at.
I'm a closet person as it is. I'm absolutely nervous whenever I go to work because I have to interact with other people. WoW gives me a way to say to my parents and sister that I am being social. It's probably the most social thing I willingly do!
Not am I just a gamer, but, I am a girl gamer. I am proud of playing WoW. I also play D&D and Vampire. I just like being outside of my everyday self and being something different. Being embarssed because, I like to play games? Hellz to the No. I tell everyone. My mom even knows my WoW toons, and can tell which one i am talking about.
The Vacuum. When I first started playing WoW, I played a lot, everyday, hours on end. Even though my girlfriend plays she started to get irritated at how often I was logged in to WoW and it was when I told a friend (pre-bc player) that I was a casual player and his response was, 'uhh, dude, you play way more than a casual,' that I realized I was living in a digital world.
I play around 10hrs a week now, sometimes just an hour or two, and still when my girlfriend comes home and I am playing I do the flash log out, thanks to our dog running and greeting her at the door I have a few more seconds to be successful.
The Shame. It's weird though because my girlfriend and myself both have 80's and we generally play together, but when I play and she isn't home that time spent feels like I have to hide. I suppose it's because I don't want to be called an addict, I don't know.
I'm a girl gamer also. I love rpg/strategy games with a searing passion, and WoW tops them all. My mom gets a little frusterated with me time to time, but I'm 18 and she lets me fill my time as I choose.
I recently went through some tough stuff, and my wanting to engage in social activites is rare outside of my computer. My guildmates are my closest friends, and I love them dearly. We've exchanged phone numbers and have become truly a part of each other's lives, even away from the computer.
I feel no shame. I'm a WoW player, and a geek, and I'm proud to the core.
As a side note: both me and the boyfriend play WoW, and are in the same guild, so most of our activities collide. Works for him, works for me.
I don't share my wow playing with everyone, mostly because they think stuff like that is stupid. I enjoy it, and would love to find more people who do play. But my sister and I play together and have a good time.
i hide WoW from my friends and such, i mean, i frickin love the game, but if my gf found out about it especially ide be totally embarressed, its not that i play a girl char, which i dont, but its just one of those games that people think is like a sin to play here, stupid as hell but hey, i still love it xD because alot of people have just seen the whole "addiction" video side of it on the news and stuff, and so they think everyone gets addicted to it and its like heroin or something. ofcourse us players know it isnt but at some times it can get a bit addicted, im not addicted myself, but i know its not as bad as heroin so i carry on playing, its just peoples single-mindedness that makes it embarrassing to play.
I definitely feel for al that you are saying. I feel the same way.
At 39 years old.. female .. unmarried though i am quite attractive and could definitely find a man ad have have the picket fence etc.. the few times I have quit and met someone for a rendezvous.. who went crazy over me.. all i could think was.. lets get this over with (sex) so you could can get out of my house and I can get back to the game..
I feel the shame..
I have been hiding the game from friends and family.. my /played is over a year if i add up all my toons.
Only once did i admit to playing to friends i was living with .. but it was a mistake.. even though I dont live with them anymore.. i still feel the shame.. every day. At other times I hate feeling ashamed and think f*** it. I played because of heartache i have been feeling over someone i lost a long time ago. I'm only human and the game.. for me.. is just a sympton of things gone wrong i had no help with fixing. Life sucks.. for a lot of people and i'm no exception... Just that wow doesnt ever make things better... and in order for life to get better you have to give it a chance and get out of wow.