Project Lore

I'm starting to think maybe Dorkins isn't buying the highest quality meats. Now don't get me wrong, I enjoy the smoked talbuk venison and all. Whenever I'm chillin with my buddies in a raid, though, it seems their owners always give them clefthoof ribs, and damnit they smell so f***ing delicious!!! Look, i'm a level 70 and as far as stats are concerned the smoked talbuk venison makes me just as happy (+35 happiness per tick) as the clefthoof ribs (+35 happiness per tick), but for some reason the price difference makes me feel like I'm getting gyped. I mean Dorkins only pays 56 silver for a stack of 5 smoked talbuk venison, whereas a stack of 5 clefthoof ribs is 80 silver. The venison may not recover as much health as the ribs, but I only eat the food for the happiness. Now, I know it saves him money and all and ultimately smoked talbuk venison is the smarter choice, but still I wish he would splurge a little and hook me up with the good stuff.

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So, obvioiusly, I love Dorkins. He’s the best. He feeds me good meat, strokes my fur, and lets me kill horde. We are best friends. But lately he’s been leaving me in the stables in favor of that stupid wind serpent “Steve”. I hate Steve, he thinks he’s so cool with that lightning breath and his dumb flapping wings. I think Dorkins was persuaded by the rumor that wind serpents are the best dps pet in the entire world...of warcraft. I think that's bull****!!! I rip F***ing faces off!!! I'm getting so mad waiting here in this ridiculously small excuse for a pet boarding house, what the f*** is this thing anyways?!?!?! I'm going to poison Steve's food, then Dorkins will have not choice but to take me out. Oh no, what if Dorkins never comes back? What if he leaves me in here forever?!! Nooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!! F*** Steve!

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I swear to all that is holy, including paladins and priests, if you screw with Dorkins...I will turn red, grow really big, then rip your face off and defecate on your dead corpse. Are We Clear?! That is a warning to everybody, including you party members. Man I need some meat.

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