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The Joke Known As Healing Numbers

Healer angelSorry healers, but I'm going to have to do this. I always hate being the one to blow the spot of some people in raids, but it's time to do it. As a healer I can stand up and proudly say:

Healing numbers are a joke.

-deep breath- Now I feel better saying that, I'll totally explain why. Healing numbers have been broken for a while, and people don't realize it. They've always went back and looked at overall healing and boss healing and decided who to continue to take on a raid.

Healing numbers are funneled in through many programs, most popular being Recount. It is a glorified spreadsheet program tracking all stats of a fight, from DPS to Healing. The problem that stands is no program is as smart as the healers who are tracked by it. You can twist or sway numbers to really show how great or lazy you really are. The general consensus is that, you get a base idea of who is doing what in a raid, and that is a really helpful tool.

I, myself, am a Holy Paladin. I'm useless to multiple targets (for the most part), and I really am there for one purpose - Tank Survivability. However, most healers numbers are so skewed, it's hilarious. Next time you’re in a raid and between pulls, watch who’s healing while everyone is eating for the next pull. Don't think we're not totally sandbagging our numbers so we continue to be brought. Healers are the biggest whores of all.

Warlocks? Feel free to Lifetap away, you're giving me a raid spot - do it mid-fight even. I’ll heal you through any damage you want to take. Just remember to whisper me first, so I can get the first heal off. Retribution paladins? I adore Seal of Blood/Martyr you're going to give me a shot at t7.5 next week. Don’t tell the guy forming the raid though, he'll never understand. Yes, I Beacon of Light and Holy Shock during the vortex phase of Malygos. During that phase, you can only use an instant heal. I'll Beacon of Light myself and heal the tank because two heals show better than one. Yes I stand in black circles from time to time, to take damage to heal myself (purely for mana reasons...of course). Sometimes, I'm just mashing the heal buttons and not even sure if I’m hitting anything. The whole time most of your healers are playing a cat and mouse game with how much damage we can let in, while still making our numbers look like I am the Lightbringer.

There is even fight mechanics that make me a total cheater. Sometimes I just look forward to Patchwerk. That fight mechanic is money for a Holy Paladin. The fight takes 3 tanks in a 25 man raid, and spike damages them over and over again with a "Hateful Swing". This hateful swing is an 80k damage swipe before an kind of mitigation. I really get to just spam Holy light, and watch my number get higher than Michael Phelps. Seriously it's Beacon of Light one hateful tank + Holy light spam = Win. Nothing like flaunting the numbers to Patchwerk to make my cyber-ego grow larger than the monster from “Cloverfield.” All in all, I’m amazed we’re even tabbed in for fights we aren’t cheating on. Most healers are such Twitch playing, Monster drink addicted, DDR playing, Chemical Brothers listening, Strobe light rave dancing, Nancy boys, that you should probably put a leash on us to make sure we don’t wander off to our own death (only cause we're following you because of the text we just got). Seriously, We do text/twitter/call people while we're healing especially if the current fight doesn't lend it's self to our style/spec.

The flat out basics are, Numbers don't take in the mechanics and team play of the healers.  I'm designed to be a wrecking ball with my healing in terms of just giving enormous burst heals. On high damage fights I'm so high on healing numbers that it will take 4 bosses to get other healers within range of me. Healing numbers don't take into account I'm healing special items, or that some heals are smart heals and some brute force designed with the intent of pouring on as much healing as it can. Some fights you pile the raid into a small spot, and can heal the group easier in a pile. It totally eliminates the need one big heal and a ton of small heals are better, depending on what fights you pick in some raids -- Your best healers may show up as your worst on those given nights.

So next time you’re sitting there worried about getting heals, don't worry. Unless you pull threat off of a tank and wipe an undying attempt over a misdirect – you'll get healed from the healers. If your raid stays alive, healers are doing their jobs. Know that, it’s a healer party composition that will together be better than the sum of its numbers. Know that your healers are sandbaggers too, and I just exposed our dirty secret of the “Health Limbo.” How low can you go, before we let you fall? Am I right healers? Can I get an Amen?

Reader Comments (49)

No. You cannot get an amen. Healing numbers are a joke, and mean nothing. All that matters is everyone is alive at the end of the fight. Then, and only then, have you completed your job.

February 23, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterRale

Couldn't have said it better myself.

February 23, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterApalis

Thanks alot.

February 23, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJosh

MEN BROTHER/SISTER (Dont kno ur gender soz :P)

February 23, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterWeasellord

meant to say AMEN

February 23, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterWeasellord

my healers usually shout at me for lifetapping >.< i need teh mana!

February 23, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterGerandor

Eh? Sorry but the tone of your post is rather odd; I can't tell if you're being sarcastic, or you really think that nobody knew this already... FYI they did, but they just didn't feel the need to rave on about it.

I agree with your comment Rale, but I must admit I play Health Limbo. But I do it to concerve mana, and to make use of the 4 second rule. Because I generally know how much my heals will hit you for. I know that, once I have a HoT on you, that I have x amount of time to cast a greater heal etc. to top you right off, or that I can just wait for the fight to end. Its all about healing smarter, not harder. What the hell is the point of spamming heals if you're always oom and everyone's gotta wait for you?

February 23, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterWML

Healing numbers are rediculous. Style differs so much from class to class or even spec to spec. Its a shame that most people in the raid look at healing done, because being a holy priest, I will never pass the druids in my guild as long as everyone is doing they're job. People shouldn't rely on those numbers at all.

February 23, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterDoogin

"I really get to just spam Holy light, and watch my number get higher than Michael Phelps."

You owe me a new keyboard, this one has coffee all over it :(

February 23, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterSaemundr

If a healer in my guild or group was ever purposefully taking damage, or letting someone else take damage, simply to get their recount numbers up, I'd boot them instantly. A Healers jobs is to heal, getting wrapped up in whos doing the most healing is ridiculous.

February 23, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterRaknor

but anyway, as a Raid Leader and Holy Paladin, i use WWS parses.

I look at who healed who, who i assigned them to heal, who died and who lived, and if theres any unsightly trends i like to look into them in the combatlog (things like raid members always dying, check out if its bad healing or dumb raid members).

I dont care for Healing done, i dont even really care for overhealing - altho if its too excessive i need to look at who was healing who to see why it was so high.

The only time i look at healing done, is at Raw figures on Trash pulls - i HATE people being AFK / lazy on trash.
If you're not healing, then we have too many healers here.

February 23, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterSaemundr

AMEN!
My fave line there, and seriously this is so effing true! "Most healers are such Twitch playing, Monster drink addicted, DDR playing, Chemical Brothers listening, Strobe light rave dancing, Nancy boys, that you should probably put a leash on us to make sure we don’t wander off to our own death (only cause we’re following you because of the text we just got)"

Other than the fact, "I'm not a boy," yes, yes that is exactly how us healers are. If we're on vent, in a raid, and I can remember this one so well:
The healers were chatting in the middle of Maiden of Virtue about random things. I think it was "I hope our next gear up grade goes well with my character's looks." And rambling other nonsense. We were yelled at by the OT to shut up and heal because he was at half. He didn't realize, that we just also happened to make our own chat channel at the time. So we continued our conversation in chat instead of over vent. After wards the tank was yelling at us and omg, I ripped into him so hard that he shut right up. Seriously, Kara with three healers is a piece of cake!

February 23, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterHatell

Oh yeah i agree with Gerandor. I want to life tap but then i don't want to have to deal with a healer who yells at me. And it has gone both ways. One day, i'll get yelled at for lifetapping at all and that i should have used a mana potion and then next day i get a whiper IN THE MIDDLE OF THE FIGHT (Seriously who can heal and type at the same time. I can't even walk and type at the same time) to tell me that i am not tapping hard enough and that they were going to HOT me. I just now act like a complete idiot in all raids or instances and make everyone explain to me what they want me to do. It's so much easier that way.

February 23, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterKalcifer

i never worry about numbers unless i'm on my main dps (just to make sure i'm putting my cut of the pie to down mobs and bosses faster enough), but when i'm on my resto shaman. It's all about enjoying the fight and having fun. Survivability is fun unto it's self and playing the part of healer is more about 'don't worry bro i got ya :)' rather than the dps's normal "my dps is bigger than your dps' etc etc. In fact i'll say that it's kind of a pet peeve of mine when i raid with holy pallies cause i see them throwing heals every second and personally to me it's just a waste of mana. Yeah, so that's my take on it, save your mana, have fun and don't piss off the resto shaman :P

February 23, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterkiley

I don't know how to tell u but in raids(25) i am usually last on healing meters. I don't really slack (just sometimes i eat and drink) but i never fail in 5 or 10 man encounters. So what i am trying to say (sorry for the poor english ) is that recount does not show how much skill u really got.

February 23, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterHimi

AMEN!

February 23, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterDein

I'm a demolock and I always laugh when there are no mobs alive and the healer is like "HOW ARE YOU TAKING DAMAGE ZOMG". I'm a mana whore! And, once I get my 4th piece of T7 gear casting life tap gives me an extra 300 spirit for 10 seconds - which boosts my spellpower by about 120. So healers - heal me if you are bored, or don't - i don't care. Death coil and Drain Life boost my health back to full quick enough anyways.

February 23, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterKrowtz

im a holy pally and i dont just heal the tank, i love to raid heal

i top heals and am usually last to second to last on overheals and i never run out of mana.

2 manned Heigan :D

February 23, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterConxcore

by heals i mean heals done and hps

February 23, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterConxcore

I lifetap in every raid im in... I"ll be damned if I'm gonna sit there and wait for mana to respawn if i have a perfectly good tool to get some back with.

Most of the time I stand next to the healers just so they can hear the lifetap noise, which you cant miss, I'm sure even the tank can hear it, and they still heal me!!

Locks typically don't need heals unless we have aggro... health stones, drain life, siphon life... we're good to go.

February 23, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterPZ

Agreed DM mean squat. healers have a set task, mt, ot or raid heals. I think a more valid stat is overheal. From there u can see if u have just the right amount of healing done , or maybe u can try with one less healer. As a resto shammy i am usually on raid heals, and don;t over heal that much. But i agree with some of the other posts, the validity of a healer(s) is if everyone survives. That is of course if everyone know what to do in a fight.

February 23, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterCyo

Lifetap when you're not going to get AoE or splash damage. And then the Warlocks can use a Stone or bandage if the healer has another priority for a few seconds. Thats how I used to play my Warlock anyway.

Please also consider that healing might be out of whack for folks wearing the t7 or 7.5 gear, but for those still levelling and gearing, +heals is an issue. A casual attitude from the rest of the group because healing is perceived as a no brainer does not help, and will usually mean trouble if something goes wrong.

I'd rather be cautious and alive, than doing a corpse run with a "fast" tank and a repair bill. Nothing says fail like wiping on trash mobs.

February 23, 2009 | Unregistered Commentertyphoonandrew

Being a Warlock myself, I find that in a decently geared group I don't know if the healers are bored or trying to boost their numbers on my life tap. I mean, I usually wait until we are in a relatively safe spot or I'm simply out of mana. But when I do, I'm normally showered with so many heals from all of the healers in the group I begin to wonder who is healing the tank. Not that I mind, but I chuckle after I Life Tap three times in Naxx.

February 23, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterTaskun

I have to admit, being a Holy Paladin whenever I take damage from something I never heal myself. Why? Spiritual Attunement. We were given that for a reason and I like to abuse it in raids. Seeing as Paladin MP5 sucks major balls (unless coupled with a decently high spell-crit chance) the easier way to handle your mana (outside of Divine Plea) is to let others heal you instead, and with the recent change in Divine Plea, healing during that up is a huge NO NO for me.

But I was never really interested in how much healing done I had done overall/after a boss fight, I usually look at the Overhealing done and see what I can do to minimise that number. I've seen other Healadins go crazy with spamming FoL/HL everywhere and run out of mana as quickly as Divine plea lasts, not caring for other incoming heals.

February 23, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterValentinex

AMEN Brother, preach it....

February 23, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterDtotheug

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